Never in my life have I felt so fatherless. It hurt when he didn’t show up for chorus performances or art shows while I was in grade school. He wasn’t there to cheer me on when I played little league. He never showed when I held the lead role in the church children’s musical.
There are numerous life skills I missed out on learning because he was absent. Shaving. Changing the oil in my car. Lessons on dating and marriage. How to be a man. All valuable lessons every father should be present to teach his son. My dad skipped out. He chose to walk away from my mother, brother and I.
He walked out when I was four. For 22 years I have tried to pursue him and his love. I’ve held on to a hope that maybe my dad might respond to my pursuit. Instead, I have been met with profanity, yelling, broken promises, lies and continual mutilation of my self-worth. Tonight I have decided to end my pursuit. It’s simply not worth it any more.
Now I cling to one promise: A father to the fatherless… is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5)