Never in my life have I felt so fatherless. It hurt when he didn’t show up for chorus performances or art shows while I was in grade school. He wasn’t there to cheer me on when I played little league. He never showed when I held the lead role in the church children’s musical.

There are numerous life skills I missed out on learning because he was absent. Shaving. Changing the oil in my car. Lessons on dating and marriage. How to be a man. All valuable lessons every father should be present to teach his son. My dad skipped out. He chose to walk away from my mother, brother and I.

He walked out when I was four. For 22 years I have tried to pursue him and his love. I’ve held on to a hope that maybe my dad might respond to my pursuit. Instead, I have been met with profanity, yelling, broken promises, lies and continual mutilation of my self-worth. Tonight I have decided to end my pursuit. It’s simply not worth it any more.

Now I cling to one promise: A father to the fatherless…  is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5)


2 Comments Add yours

  1. winn collier says:

    There is a strength in your heart that rises up against your father’s abandonment. Though his words and his betrayal have worked to curse you, he does not get the final word. He does not get to say who you are.

    May love and hope and courage and redemption of all things ripped apart be yours, in Jesus.

  2. Janie says:

    I have shared your pain as you tried to gain approval from a person who is selfcentered and selfish. If you will remember, I stressed to you all your life with scripture and index cards wirth them put on the walls of our home, God is the father to the fatherless. You have the most wonderful father in God. He will heal your hurts and help you overcome the anger within if you will let Him. Father God, Abba is the sweetest word I know. Anyone can have a child, but it takes a man to be a father. Your father has to live with the guilt of what he did not do. But it was his loss as he really doesn’t even know the wonderful Godly man you have become and I am so proud to call my son.

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