Slim Fast and Pissing In A Cup

I’m excited to report my new diet plan is working well. In less than 6 weeks I’ve dropped 16lbs. Amazing huh? Now you’re probably wondering “what diet plan?” Let me introduce you to the “Get Sick, Have Surgery, Get Sicker Diet Plan.”

Three weeks ago I had my gall bladder taken out. I had 7 stones. You can now purchase them on CraigsList.

I’m sicker now than when we started. To date I’ve been stuck with 36 needles. While my body is “littered with tattoos” (as my dad would say) and I have “God awful holes in my ears” (he would say that too), the truth be told, I hate needles. My friend Mikey warned me of developing track marks.  Those are going to be hard to explain one day when I’m a pastor.

I hate peeing in a cup. It’s even worse in cold bathrooms. If you ever want to decrease a man’s self-confidence simply hand him a cup and send him into a cold bathroom.

In all seriousness though, please continue to pray for my health. I should get some results later this week from 2 biopsies that were done. I’d like to avoid having another surgery, but at this point I’m willing to do whatever it takes to feel better. Thankfully I serve a God that is able to heal, that departs wisdom to doctors and can provide comfort even in a time like this.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. joshjcox says:

    I have a few things to say about this. First, that I love you, and I’m overwhelmingly grateful for the times we’ve gotten to hang out. Second, 7 gal stones is a crap load of gal stones. Third, you are so right on with the whole cup thing. You’d think they’d provide an environment hospitable to the nature of the task trying to be accomplished. Fourth, and in all seriousness, my friend, literally if there’s anything you need, you know I’ve got your back. On the bright side, though, you have cool dogs, and a cool beard….and neighbors who are serious about their P90X (lol).

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