Ever have one of those weeks where saying in bed and hiding from the world seems like a better option than going to work, being social and “doing life?” Yeah, this has been one of those weeks for me. Every morning I have dreaded the 5a alarm. It’s almost as if my deep sleep stops at 4:30a and my body goes into “here we go again” mode, cringing as the minutes pass until the alarms sound. (I set four alarms.) Thankfully, I have forced myself to carry on, go to work (two jobs at that) and be social. A friend asked me if I am depressed. I was quick to respond “no”, but now I am not so sure if that was the correct answer. Maybe it’s just my “time of the month.”
Here are some recent thoughts that have been running though my head:
- Why do I have such a fear of abandonment and how do I overcome it?
- The difficulty of deepening relationships I have with those around me and how I crave to the known intimately. Yet, at the same time am scared as hell of intimacy and being fully known.
- Obligation vs. Choice in love/relationships.
- Church Planting.
- How can one yellow lab shed so much?
- Why Roger (the older gentleman who used to cook the Recipe of the Week at Publix on Gervais) had to transfer to the Two Notch Road store. Would it be stalkerish if I started shopping at that store just because I miss our weekly conversations about life, his relationship with his wife of 20+ years and how he’s teaching his grandson to cook?