Afraid of Commitment?

Friday I went to Strayer University to tour their campus and meet with the Admissions staff.  20 minutes into the meeting I found myself declaring a major (Marketing) and registering for classes which start June 30th.

That was all good and well until today.  Strayer isn’t cheap.  As a matter of fact, the three classes I registered for total right at $4500.00.  I wasn’t worried thought about the cost, because as a Wachovia employee I get 10% off of tuition, with the remainder being covered by our Tuition Reimbursement Program. Then I read the fine print on our Employee Portal, Pulse: A two-year service obligation is required after receiving reimbursement from the plan. Instantly my plans of going back to school went from plans to… thoughts… questions.

Two years working for the same employer is a long time, not to mention being bound by a contact to work for the same company, come hell or high water.  I think it would be easier for me to commit if everything at Wachovia was buckets of sunshine and a bed of roses.  But with today’s economy, rumors of a buyout lingering, the firing of the CEO, and the fact that I am sick of being stuck in a 6’x6′ cubical 8 hours a day, I can’t convince myself to commit.

More than anything though, I wonder what God has in store for me over the next two years.  So far in 2008 the biggest happenings have been becoming part of Midtown, my mom’s health scares and my roommate of 3 years getting married.  If you know me, you know that deep in me there is a huge desire to plant a church in Boston. (Never visited Boston I mind you, yet for years I have felt a deep passion for the lost there.)  I’ve also considered moving to Charlotte or Charleston to do the same.

I have applied for job after job (most here in Columbia), yet never gotten a call back. For the past three years God has chosen to wake me up every morning (Sunday through Thursday) at 5a and tell me to get by ass to work. I think some days he looks down from Heaven and laughs as I down an entire pot of coffee and drag myself to work.  Maybe it would be easier for me to commit for two years if I was committing to something I was absolutely convinced God wanted me to be part of.  Some days I’ve prayed that God would let me get fired from my job. I would rather be the driver of one of those giant street sweeping machines than be stuck in a cubical.

What are your thoughts?  Could you commit to one thing, one employer, for two years? What do you do when you haven’t heard clearly from God? Please comment below or send me an e-mail if you don’t want your thoughts posted.  I need the feedback of those that love me and value me: my family and my friends (most of which I consider family anyway).  More than posting your comments or thoughts, or even sending an e-mail back, please join me in praying.  Classes start June 30th. Maybe.


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